Who Are We & How Did We Get Here

I wanted to take the time to tell a little about our story.

Mark and I have been together since October of 2017. We met on Match.com. He lived 2.5 hours away and still managed to come visit almost every weekend. He would drive up on Friday evening and spend the weekend with me. It was apparent early on that things were different. After about a year together we became engaged. When I say became vs got is because he never actually asked me to marry him. In a true Mark nature he declared that he was going to propose officially but he didn’t have a chance. He did but his laid back nature got the best of him. We were set to marry in December of 2018 but Mark lost his job. So we postponed it for a year to the day. We had our wedding in December of 2019.

Mark is very laid back and balances me out. I am very anxious by nature but still laid back in most areas. He is a disabled combat veteran who is currently finishing his last semester of college to work in automotive repair. I have worked as a therapist in mental health for the last few years. The majority of the time has been with children a lot of whom have experienced some form of family disruption for various reasons. Prior to that I was a 4th grade teacher.

Adoption has been on my heart for a long time. It has never been a second choice for me. I have always said no matter how or when or why my babies get to me I will love them with all my heart for all of my life. About 10 years ago I started collecting children’s books for my kids. Every time I get a new book I date it and write a note in it. I started early in college because I wanted them to know that I have been dreaming about them and loving them for as long as I can remember.

As a therapist I am also a mental health advocate. The majority of my advocacy is shared through discussing my personal struggles. The best way to reach people who are hurting is to remove that barrier between you and being real is how I do that. There are days that I still struggle and its okay to struggle. Struggling is a very human thing. I’m honest with my clients and they know that I struggle sometimes but its not nearly as bad as it was before.

I’m a mess of a human being but my heart is pure. I care deeply, fight hard, cuss too much and never give up. I’m extremely sensitive and can get overwhelmed at times. However, I’m the one mostly likely to stick it out to find a way through the overwhelm. I love the Golden Girls and Diet Coke. I live life very seriously and intensely but I am also incredibly silly. I see the good in people and give them the benefit of the doubt but if you cross one of my firmly held boundaries I will cut you off with little warning. I push people to be there best selves and will not accept excuses for them to be less than they are capable of. I fight hard and I succeed by refusing to quit. I’m very stubborn which is great and not so great at the same time.

I’ve dreamt of being a mother since I was a young child. The idea of it also terrifies me. What if I fail? What if I screw them up (yes, I know I will to an extent but majorly). What if I can’t give them the support they need? What will I do when my love for my children is not enough to fix their trauma? Will they know that they have been my entire reason for existing since before we ever met?

My children’s need for me far outweighs the cost of my fears and doubts.

My goal was to start fostering for my 30th birthday. I turned 30 on Monday. Here is on to bigger and better things.